The first holiday season after the death of my husband was like no other I’d experienced in my life. From the outside, my husband (Ken) seemed young and healthy. No one expected he’d be diagnosed with a rare form of lung cancer. My 12-year-old son thought his dad would be around for a long time and in his grief, experienced a life-threatening event on Father’s Day of that year. So much grief and pain continued. I found myself on autopilot, going through the motions that holiday season and the entire first year after Ken’s death. I was afraid and depleted.
I wrestled with God and cried out many times asking, “Where are You?” I started praying through Scripture multiple times a day to keep my mind focused on Him. I lamented, asking Him to “Show me in Your Word, Lord, how can I keep going? I need You. You’re the only One who can keep me together.”
God was all I had during that year. But as I look back, I realize God was all I needed. It sounds simple but it’s hard. I still have to train it over my heart today and with each passing year, especially during the holiday season. -Julie